November 25, 2002  

THE MEANDERINGS OF SMIDGE SAMUELSON
Episode 2 – The Smudge Years

"Dude, try this," said Boots. He did. That's how easy it was for Smudge to step over the line. After that small decision, experimenting with other drugs just seemed natural, automatic.

Actually, it began when he started hanging out with a more exciting crowd back in the eighth grade. These were the guys who changed his nickname from Smidge to Smudge. They made him feel bigger and badder.

The drugs made him feel even bigger and badder. He could never compete with his "Most-Likely to Succeed" twin sister in her world of 4.0 academics and social popularity. When he was around Lani and her friends, he still felt like Smidge, small and helpless. But with his crowd he was the self-confident Smudge—especially when he had a little buzz on.

But something about the drugs began to bother him. His best friend Boots, the guy who gave him his first joint, was using more and more. Boots' life was increasingly dominated by how he was going to find his next hit, and he had graduated to needles. Smudge realized that this added up to addiction, and deep within himself he made the decision that he didn't want to go there. He started pulling away from Boots, finding excuses not to be around when the heavy drugs came out. Boots noticed, and one day he said, "What's the matter? You too good for us?"

"Too good"? Actually, Smudge felt like trash. Earlier, he had a sense of being rejected by Lani's friends. Now his alternate circle of friends were rejecting him. He felt all alone. He felt like Smidge and Smudge at the same time. His life added up to a big zero. Maybe even a minus.

At this point, some old Sunday School memories came to him. Wasn't there something about God saying "I will never leave you or forsake you"? A silly little song went through his mind: "Jesus loves me, this I know; For the Bible ...." He shook his head to get rid of these thoughts. Whatever his problems were, he knew religion wasn't the answer. That was all behind him.

Instead, Smidge/Smudge reached down inside himself and found a desire and determination that actually surprised him. He decided not to be like Lani and not to be like Boots. He was going to try to do a good job of being himself. For the first time in his life, he seriously thought about his own potential, how he could tap it and how he could use it in a lifelong career.

There was a lot of catching up to do. He had to take summer school classes to make up for some of those Fs. He realized he'd probably not be accepted in a four-year college, so he aimed for the local community college. Major? Who knows? Maybe .... No. Yes, maybe psychology. What made people tick? What made him tick?

And thus was born a new person: not Smidge and not Smudge, but Sandy Samuelson. Sandy slowly developed a reputation as a person who meant what he said, was dependable, and was going somewhere in life. In time he cultivated a new circle of friends, people who shared his values. They weren't glittering all-stars, but they were certainly not losers, either. Like Sandy, they were average people who were willing to work hard to make the most of their lives.

And so it was that Sandy made his way through the State College and a degree in psychology. Even then he wasn't satisfied. He went on to graduate work, followed by a successful internship. And here he was: Sandford L. Samuelson, Psychologist.

Smidge and Smudge were only distant memories. All was well. That is, almost all. There was still this little pocket of emptiness. What did it mean?

–Pastor George Van Alstine